What are they?
Why do you need them?
How can you create and tend them?

Do you have healthy, flexible boundaries? Rigid, intractable boundaries? Or are your boundaries porous and/or nearly nonexistent? 

Let’s start with a definition.

Boundary: a clear statement or request that you create for yourself and other people in order to take care of your needs and teach others how to treat you.

Healthy boundaries are essential in order to take care of your needs and nourish yourself. Without clear boundaries you may feel burned out, resentful, and uncomfortable in your body.  This can show up as misplaced anger, rage, gossiping, complaining, procrastinating, and not living the life you long to live.

3 Simple Ways to Set a Boundary

Take a deep breath.
Be concise.
Clearly state your boundary.

Examples:

“Please don’t call or text me on the weekend.”
“I don’t feel comfortable having this conversation. Let’s talk about something else.”
“Stop. I don’t like that.”

Once you become more comfortable setting boundaries, you will also need to tend to the boundaries you set. Oftentimes it is not enough to inform people of your boundaries; you will also need to practice what you will do if your boundary is not honored. For example, if a friend does not honor your request to not gossip, you can restate your boundary and change the subject. If someone continues to violate your boundaries, taking space in the relationship is often helpful in recalibrating the relationship, or ending those that are no longer in alignment.

How can you consistently implement boundaries in your life? And, how can you honor the boundaries of others? In order to cultivate healthy boundaries and receive the boundaries of others, we must do the inner work of taking care of the parts of ourselves that need healing.

Lack of boundaries is a sign of lack of self-worth. Without self-worth, we can feel that our needs and requests are not important, are selfish, or are impolite/unkind.  This is not true, and as you nurture your inner child and other aspects of yourself that need nourishment, you will gain an embodied understanding of your worthiness. You deserve to be loved just because you are you. It’s that simple.

Taking other people’s boundaries personally is also pointing to hurting aspects of ourselves. A few questions to ask yourself when this happens:

• What part of me is feeling hurt by this request? 

• Am I assuming I am a bad person or other negative thoughts about myself? 

• What do I need right now to take care of this hurt part of me?

Notice what comes up for you and offer yourself kind and compassionate words and phrases that you need to hear. Reassure yourself that you are worthy of kind treatment. You can then assess the boundary request from a more centered place and choose to honor the request or not. 

Taking a deep breath and deliberately choosing to see a boundary as information that may help your relationship with this person can take some of the sting out of being presented with a boundary.  Especially if we are not used to setting and honoring boundaries, there can be a certain amount of trial and error, so be kind with yourself and others as we all are learning and growing. 

Not all boundary requests will resonate for you or other people, and this is wonderful! Boundaries are an efficient tool in creating a fulfilling life, freeing you from relationships and tasks that no longer serve you. 

As you set boundaries you will expand your self-worth and self-esteem, your inner child and other aspects of yourself will grow to trust you more, leading to a beautiful unfoldment of your inner world. You will blossom and bloom under this deep self-care and honoring. Choose to allow yourself to be nourished and to receive the deliciousness of setting healthy boundaries and honoring the boundaries of others.

With Love,

Glenna